So many articles in magazines and online sources trying to define ”the perfect and healthy relationship” and truth is that most of the advice and hints are wrong as probably we have all experienced in practice. I gathered a list with unreasonable cues and offering you at the end the one true secret of what’s going to make two people stay together. How do I know? Well, it’s all about looking in the past and realizing what went wrong with our demanding society, where our roles have been switched and how relationships have taken a toll from all these unnatural changes.

What most mainstream magazines say…

  1. ”Both understand the need of personal space. Personal space? What is ”personal” in a relationship (which by definition is a union of two into one)? It’s not only immature to still seek ”individualism” in a relationship, but also tells a lot about the level of selfishness our society has hung itself to. If anything, there is the need of closure, trust at all times and continuous nourishment of all communication and its elements.
  2. ”Talking without fear of repercussions.” Well, while it is true we need to be able to communicate, talking sometimes has its consequences want it or not. I would rather say one needs to be sensitive and think before talking. A bad comment (maybe one you do not even mean) can hit a lot your loved one. You know why? Because they expect your love at all times and it might take them by surprise. Talk through emotions rather, and once the other person understands, then go to the words. But no, do not talk ”without fear”. There should be plenty of consideration for the other one. And that does not mean to hide your real thoughts, just means to be considerate and gentle when needed and rather seek an alternative to say things instead of being a brute.
  3. ”You share responsibilities.” This can be true, but ”sharing responsibilities” sounds a little pushy, doesn’t it? First of all in a relationship you should coordinate responsibilities, not share them. While the man has its own, you as a woman will have your own responsibilities and when you coordinate them gracefully you will find harmony. Not in ”sharing” them. This doesn’t mean you cannot do things for each other when one is sick or in need, obviously.
  4. ”You smile often.” If we would live in a perfect world, maybe yes? But let’s just be real, smiling always is artificial. As a couple, you will go through both hard and easy times and, no, you cannot always smile. The most important thing is to go through hard times together, understanding each other and holding hands while the storm passes away. You will smile together when so it should be.

Now on to the truth…

One of the main things I can testify and I experienced is that, a really good, strong relationship starts and continues if…

you do not wish to change the person you are with. At all.

This is probably one of the main secrets of a happy, wonderful and balanced relationship. When you feel that your partner offers you all and everything you have wanted, when he/she is exactly like you’ve imagined, when you do not wish to change anything of them (no matter how small the thing is) and you just think they’re doing great the way they are. That’s when your inner happiness will recognize a harmony in the other’s soul and will blend in together perfectly. It feels a lot different than when you start picking at the other, finding things that could be different, that you would like to help them with, change, etc. It is ultimately a pity we sometimes find eachother and realize ”but he/she could do this differently…” or ”if he/she could be like this a little more…” unfortunately it takes time to realize and we often end up hurting the other, even if that’s the least we want… but truth has its last word. If you want someone to change because you do not like something of them, you will probably never be able to accept them because of your differences.

A simple advice? Think a relationship from the very beginning. Think it through and do not jump ahead because the heart says so, there are many other things that need to fit in, not only emotional, but physical, moral, spiritual, educational…many things need to combine perfectly for a relationship to work. And trying to make it work without all the pieces, will make it crumble at some point and both will get hurt in a way or another, even if that’s not the intention. The art of love. That it needs to be something more than emotions, it needs to actually be close to perfection from the very beginning.

Do you agree? Let me know your thoughts in Social Media or drop me a comment down below.

See you in the next post!


  1. My relationship matches much more your description of it than theirs 👌🏻
    There isn’t any time for ‘personal space’ when you have a family, whenever we get time (for example when the children are asleep) we much prefer to cuddle up on the sofa with a book or a bit of pleasant chat.
    Talking without fear of repercussions is ridiculous, people can make their points without rudeness or hurting their partner, hurtful words are not easily forgotten!
    Sharing responsibility to some extent yes, but there are some things that just fall into place naturally, you inevitably end up after a few years of having your own jobs or tasks you end up doing, and your partner different ones. Natural roles are not a made up thing, 8 years with my partner have showed me that.
    Smiling all the time, I don’t even need to say anything, sometimes you have hard work days, sometimes the children are hard work, sometimes you just don’t feel like smiling. Communication and team work and a little bit of ‘keep calm and carry on’ are in order, people just need to learn that the worlds not all sunshine and rainbows!
    Great article 😊
    Paul x


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